“I always thought I was a grown-up. It turned out, being a grown-up requires more than my thoughts that I am one…”
I wish I could tell you exactly when that was….or what brought about the change. One day, I just woke up feeling like a different person. It’s that change that kind of slaps you in the back of your head and makes you realize you don’t just need to change but grow up as well. And I did.
It’s the kind of growing up where I allowed myself to let my tough side come out. Where I don’t allow things that I can’t control bother me anymore. It’s the growing up of feelings and emotions and reactions. That kind where, my brain suddenly felt like it woke up from a deep sleep…and my heart, finally realizing that there is more to life than giving away love. Did I just say giving away love? Yes, it’s the kind where you felt like you are doing all the loving, whether it be in a romantic relationship or friendship or any kind of relationship for that matter….
It’s the kind of growing up where I suddenly realized that tough love is not really tough at all. In fact, it’s the kind of love that requires a lot of understanding, commitment, accepting, forgiveness and loving…then going through the same process over and over again.
It was also the day I stopped basing my worth on other people’s opinion of me. It’s the day I saw myself as a grown up woman who deserved nothing but the best. And for me to be treated as such requires my own participation and commitment. It’s the day I let go of anything that kept me from being truly happy, at peace and content. It’s the day I took control of my thoughts, my feelings and my emotions and accepted total responsibility for it.
It’s the day I stopped feeling guilty about not knowing what everyone was up to or keeping everyone updated with my life.
It’s the day when I took my silence not as a sign of ignorance or weakness but rather as a sign of wisdom and strength.
It was also the day where I was no longer ashamed to show my silly and childlike self. I grew up that day knowing that the hidden child in me can no longer hide….and it’s okay.
I wish I could tell you what really brought the change, what made me grew up….
There’s one thing I can tell you though…
It’s more than the years or our age, it’s not the amount of our accomplishments, it doesn’t amount to our standings in society and definitely not your educational background.
It could be from tears shed. Shared laughter. Mistakes made. Being broken. Failure after failure. Love lost. Battles won.
And finding self…
And you know what? When that time comes, you will know.
You will be happier. You will be at peace. You will be content.
You will no longer want to belong. You will not be in competition with anyone.
You will enjoy solitude. You quit getting excitement out of proving yourself to anyone.
Silence excites you. Solitude finds you. Isolation completes you.
On that day….
Maybe, it’s the day you finally grew up.
That was my day….
“On the day that I finally grew up, I didn’t tell anybody I did.
I woke up feeling new. Suddenly, life mattered beautifully. Eyes that see the unseen. Calm mind. Kindled spirits. Renewed heart…..
I know. And that’s all that matters to me…”