Colorless

“But are not this struggle and even the mistakes one may make better, and do they not develop us more, than if we kept systematically away from emotions?” ~Vincent Van Gogh

I have so many thoughts and emotions inside me that I just want to write and write and write. I’m sure now that you can tell this is how I release myself. But most times, I have a hard time expressing myself when I am overwhelmed. It’s like, you can’t find the right words to say even though you have a lot to say. Am I making sense?

But I found out, that not a lot of people actually listen to what we say. Maybe they do, but not everyone listens to understand or to feel. And it’s kind of sad and yes disappointing. It’s the very same reason that I find myself having a hard time expressing myself. Should I show anger or expressed pain or show sadness. Or would it even matter?

Colors, like features, follow the changes of the emotions. Pablo Picasso

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As I was looking at my photo collection to add to this post, I can’t find the beauty in their colors. Strange but true. Can you imagine what its like for those people who live their life in anxiety, sadness and despair? I wonder how they see people, things and life around them. What it’s like to live in a colorless world? A world devoid of feel good feelings, of people who can actually see them and feel their emotions and of those who took the time to actually listen and understand.

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They said that if you can find just one person who can make you laugh, one that help you see life in a different way, one that talk to you without making you feel less of a human, one who can make you see your worth as a person….and a great one at that, then that person is a richness in itself. I truly, truly believe in that. You know, that wonderful feeling you get that all is going to be alright? If you found that person…cherish them. Not everyone has one.

“I envy people that know love. That have someone who takes them as they are.”

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The writer’s joy is the thought that can become emotion, the emotion that can wholly become a thought. Thomas Mann

I realized that when someone is expressing their feelings, either by way of quotes, writings, songs or just telling it straight out, they’re not actually asking for pity or starting drama. That’s their way of asking for help, or seeking understanding, or trying to find answers, or just letting out their emotions. But, once they quit showing or expressing any of it….then they’re on a dangerous level of not caring or giving up. Not being able to express, grasp or show emotions…it’s a scary and yet freeing feeling to have. I don’t know which is worse.

Colorless.

I write because…I know that one fine day – I will die, thus, I should experience as many deep emotions, wild ideas, careful thoughts and deliberate observations as I can. Maybe then, all will matter.

Thank you for bringing colors to my life….

 

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